Self Enquiry


By Jeanette McKenzie

Jeanette Kishori McKenzie A little ‘personal’ story...

This little story which happened maybe eight or nine years ago is clear... any final traces of the idea of personal ownership of mind were in the process of being digested.

"I had been walking along a little country road, which borders the beautiful, artificial lake in the village of Neyyerdam, near Trivandrum in southern Kerala, reflecting on my life, some months earlier in the year, watching a villager tenderly washing his buffalo in the morning sun. They seemed to be shining and I was completely enjoying the devotion of man and animal. As I watched the play of life and devotion between the two, wondering what my next step in life was to be, an inner voice had seemed to say, "I have digested your life, your husband, your house, your friends, your career, your family and now I am digesting this body!!"

About a year later I was in Northern Kerala in Tapovaristasramam. It was very hot as usual and dressed in a light South Indian muslin sari, I went to have a talk with Sri Tathata, the beautiful gentle master of this Indian ashram, which was not in those days frequented by many westerners. I sat on the floor in front of him and a couple of Maitri, his long standing disciples in their maroon robes, were there too.

Through the Maitri interpreter, Sri Tathata enquired politely about my personal practice. I looked inside but couldn’t find one! I started to laugh. We looked at each other both dissolved in laughter. Then I remembered this little story. I guessed, as it had come to mind, that the information suggested would probably be appropriate and so I offered it to Sri Tathata. He laughed again, obviously amused. The Maitri "Father" translating, said the Master liked very much what I had said. Anyway they didn’t ask me any more about my practice. I hadn’t seen any difference between so called spiritual and so called material for a long time. I was simply playing India, as always, following my "cabbage white" butterfly, the Leela (story or love play) of my Heart he said he would look and see what practice he could give me. I walked home under the stars hoping he wouldn’t give me anything else to do as it might put me in a dilemma! I wanted no more "practices". I was simply living.

A couple of days later, I was about to travel back to southern Kerala. I went to take leave of Sri Tathata. We greeted each other and he said. For you, no practice is necessary! I laughed, relieved... and also knowing it to be true. We have nothing to do but live and play here. And content that the simplicity I knew in my Heart had been reflected, even by an Indian master!

This world is all my own form and I am the Infinite Dreamer who dreams a beautiful fairy tale with all the characters in my pantomime hand in hand in the world of happy ever after. The Parousia. Paradise Garden. I am a child at play.

A poem for my friends!

Leela - Play of Consciousness

I am
a hologram
A hollow gram!
A tiny lightweight, paperweight,
a zero,
a little empty cylinder,
which when you consider it
weighs nothing at all!
I am a hologram
a holographic, pseudopodic periscope
which the divine child
from her eyeless blissfulness
in curious contemplation
of the latest configuration
of her bodily display.
An ecstatic probing finger
lovingly exploring
the thousand thousand faces
of her kaleidoscopic universal form.

What shall I be today?
In peals of delighted soundless laughter
The Radiant One
dissolves the passing Son et Lumiere
this pantomime of light and sound
the fleeting magic show,
to rest, in perfect silent Formlessness.

Dorset 1989 Jeanette Mckenzie